WHERE AM I?

You might be thinking that I haven't updated this blog for a little while because I have started my career as a cage fighter in Tai*wan.  Nope, not yet.  Every time I get close to clearing all the work off my desk, someone comes in and dumps a bunch more.  Maybe next month.

MOMENT OF TRUTH

In our home, there are domestic disputes about who should run this country.

I wait with bated breath for tonight's election results.

Although I don't agree, the girlfriend does have a very valid point of view. She explains it like this....... "All the things that people find so disagreeable about Hillary, well those are the reasons I love her. I love that she is aggressive and that people don't consider her to be very feminine. I love that she managed to walk with all that money from the White*water fiasco and then evaded Ken Star*r. I love that she clearly doesn't care what her husband does or with whom he does it. I see all of her faults as exceptional characteristics for a president."

I think I'm going to sneak a rainbow Ob*ama 08 sticker on her bumper later today. Hopefully she won't see it and will drive around campaigning for him for a few hours.

While we were hanging out at a coffeeshop before school today, the youngest child informed me that "Honey has bee spit in it. But I'm still going to eat it."

BARD

The eldest daughter played Cordelia in the class production of King Lear.  When I asked about what she was learning from the play, she told me "We show our love through our actions every day, not by engaging in foolish flattery."  Whooooa, I think I scored in the dutiful daughter department.

MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY

This is how yesterday unfolded.

It was a cold and snowy spring morning.  A setting made more tragic and forlorn by the belief that spring had sprung and the cold and snowy were over.  The pilot light went out on the water heater (another long and tragic story) and everyone took a very cold shower before work and school.  Because of a historical habit of elaborate trickery on this, my favorite holiday, I was accused of blowing out the pilot light and inducing discomfort.  I didn't have anything to do with the water heater troubles.  Given my history, I was fully understanding of the impulse to blame me and took the accusation in stride.  

I headed off to a court hearing.  In my absence,  the indispensable paralegal/office manager/jack of all trades played a trick by cleaning out her office and leaving her key in the mailbox with a note that said "Sorry."  Before she could return to shout "April Fools" the girlfriend had an emotional breakdown and stormed out of the office.

She returned hours later only to find a (beautifully forged on colored letterhead, not an easy task) letter from the State Bar Association of another state in which she is seeking bar admission.  The letter accuses her of habitual speeding and requests documentation of all traffic violations, including citation numbers for the last 25 years.  There was momentary anger and upset on her part, and a quick admission to trickery on my part.  After the earlier breakdown I just couldn't milk it for all it was worth in good conscience.  

Our computer repair person (who is the husband of long time co-worker and has done many favors in the past) sends me a bill via email that is waaaaay too much for repairing a virus problem. The bill includes lots of stuff which was actually done by myself or other people who are employed by me.  The bill is more than the cost of a new, updated, better computer.  I stew but really want to avoid conflict.  Also, I have nagging guilty feelings all day about looking at an email from "Svetlana" who says she saw my photo on the internet and wants to chat.  Turns out she just wanted to sell me some stuff.  Believing this to be the source of the Trojan (which we all remember as an enticing thing which unleashes havoc when opened) I perhaps believe myself to be deserving of these troubles.  The girlfriend maliciously tells me I really should get a quote before I have people start working on my computer.  She also waits until midnight to tell me it's an April Fools Day joke.

Our newest associate (and because of this kind of behavior, she is newly dear to my heart) prepares and has mailed to another associate (also dear to my heart because of his gullible nature) a  fake sexual harassment suit (for a million dollars) from a recently departed paralegal. (She was poached by another lawyer who has more money than I and departed in a manner very similar to the trick described above.  I believe her departure made that trick more believable, hence the emotional breakdown)  Because of the professional look of the documents, the person served had a look of sheer terror on his face for a split second.  Earlier hijinks's made him immediately suspicious and he quickly realized the joke.  However it was a beautiful split second.  

I tried to trick my friend that he actually had ri*cin poisoning last month when he was in the hospital for some kind of (not ri*cin) infection.  He doesn't buy it.  I also tried to tell the children at 7:00 that it is bedtime and that they need to put on their pajamas and get in bed. They don't buy it. 

I've had better, but all in all I think it was a fine way to welcome April.

 

A DREAM FULFILLED

The Easter Bunny (aka, the fabulous Hammi) braved the treacherous Flat Rabbit Road and made it to our little cabin in Tea*sdale to deliver those fabulous funeral potatoes!! It renewed my faith.  We were also treated to beautiful weather for our hikes across red rocks.