This is a fabulous story about my fabulous life, and I just want to share it with the world.Last night the nanny picks up the kids and also picks up some Gi*rlS*cout cookies that the oldest child needs to deliver. She hangs out at the house for awhile and then she leaves to drive a kid to a dance class and while she is gone, the horrid beast pictured above climbs upon the counter and eats an entire box of Sa*mo*as. When I'm presented with this information upon my return home, I comment that the dog shares my taste in cookies. I then shrug the bad act off as typical (which it is) and go about my evening.
The Girlfriend has to leave early in the morning to fly to another city for work, and I am left to prepare the children and deliver them to their schools. As the morning progresses, I'm really happy that, despite the time change and my resulting fatigue, I'm actually ahead of schedule and I'm going to get the carpool to school on time for a change. As I am giving the kids breakfast, I look over and see a giant pool of dog vomit on the counter. Not only has the dog gotten onto the counter to purge, but she then walked through her own vomit and proceeded to leave vomit paw prints all over the counter, down onto the floor and in a leisurely stroll across the kitchen floor. It's nasty, but I've seen worse, so I just clean it up, shrug it off as typical and go about getting ready to go. As I am walking to the other end of the house, I see the dog sniffing at something or eating something under the coffee table in the living room. I go over to investigate and there are piles and piles of regurgitated cookies mixed with slightly but not adequately chewed up carrots and other unidentifiable substances. When I say piles and piles of vomit, I really mean it. The volume was easily 2 1/2 times the dogs body weight. Needless to say, nobody got anywhere on time today.
Also needless to say, I AM OFFICIALLY OUT OF LOVE WITH THE DOG!
Vile, vile, vile, and when I tell the nanny the horrid story, she says "Oh, yah, I forgot to tell you she ate some carrots too."
1 comment:
You made me laugh!!! Thank heavens the new dog hasn't barfed anywhere yet. He's left puddles and piles all over the house, and made me really glad my friend's moving so we can buy her old (only a year old) living room furniture to replace our piddle and drool-stained set. And he loves to jump on my head when I'm asleep.
But they're so freakin' cute!!!
Post a Comment